A Valentine's Day Musing Over A Realization Of Late:

      As someone who consciously left the householder path, at its threshold, now over 12 years ago, many of you know I have, experiencing everything I have in recent years, had to do too much soul assailant prevention, defense, and warfare, including against those whose love I'd thought was permanent already, to be open, flowy, and in love with all things after this path itself, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, as the vows do go. Men, had, in fact, become exactly what they'd said about women--ever-present, abundant comrades, from every demographic strata--who were needy, wanty, wanting attention, time, engagement, and/or silly, wasteful expenditures of my resource, talent, or female-ness, in varying capacities, without being able to hold up their part of the unspoken soul contract or, in most cases, conscious and clearly explicated understanding for that moment or series thereof. My favorites have been my students, or practitioners, as I call you/them, with whom the honor code and due respect has mostly been in place, immediate, and which has allowed the very best that I can give to flow forward, in its highest form. The highest trust is built in the clarity and sacrifice in that understanding. Therefore, I have called myself "actively not dating" for years to save myself from the distraction, in some cases the sadness, disappointment that ensues when one after another attracted magnets, who I assess as "not my aspirants," become another being in need of my help, sometimes doing whatever necessary to keep me from due credit whilst, also, sucking, invading, and/or leeching from my Light, willfully not exalting me to status of Soul Teacher, Healer, or Leader as his darkness, issues, and bad archetypes of the male kind would take the highest kind of female Oracle and attempt to make her a slave--to his eyes, his mind, his chamber, or his construct(s), though it is clear he was drawn, in the first place, because all of hers take him Higher than anything, or anyone, ever has...even though she sets him Free, rather than beat or chain him down...though she invokes, even commands his loyalty without having to ask for it since she knows he belongs to Source God. I have had it called "a shame," "sad," and other things like it that I would not consider having a "boyfriend," marrying for safety, as opposed to demanding that this life, this nation, and the world stand at attention and love one another as we should. I have had it said by women of all ages and colors it is sad I do not look, as they do/have, to bear what would be such beautiful children, though my call to serve up the Messages I carry, to lead the codes sitting deep within my structure, stir both my life force and feminine Divine as rattles and baby books do for them. What I find most interesting, as I sound the global call for an end to ugliness, ignorance, violence, illegality, and war-as-the-answer, as I am asked how I do it, meaning live Bramacharya, or go without regular hook-ups--I mean, I so easily could--or kindly decline the next thing after a male's attraction, or use their pourings to feel beautiful, is that no one asks me, "What does it feel like to go, for so long, without being Loved back?" As if love, itself, is not the first requirement to open up Heaven's Door. In all that we do that is Right, much less in sexual everything.